Inclusive Language and Diverse Wedding Ceremony Script Ideas
It might seem like a given that the language used in an LGBTQ+ wedding ceremony should be welcoming to the couple, and also to guests in attendance. However, if you haven’t considered this as part of your own ceremony plan, we have a few tips that may help you plan with your officiant for your own ceremony.
In the past, when same-sex marriages were not legal but were instead classified as “commitment ceremonies” or “holy unions,” there were differences in the scripts used in LGBTQ+ ceremonies. All that changed in June 2015 when gay marriage was legalized in all 50 states! While there no longer has to be a difference legally in the script officiants use, you probably still need to talk to your officiant how you want to be addressed during your vows and throughout the wedding as a whole. Clearly, “We now pronounce you husband and wife” needs respectful modification.
“In all my ceremonies, whether hetero couples or LGBTQ+ couples, I make sure that I don’t have any language that implies that marriage is only between a man and a woman,” says Reverend Kayelily Middleton. Kayelily typically uses the term “partner” when referring to the couple during a ceremony.
“At the end of the ceremony when I make the pronouncement of marriage I say, ‘I pronounce you equal partners joined in marriage,’” she explains. Consider if this term might be a good fit for you, or if you’d prefer the terms “wife” or “husband.”
What alternatives are there to “I Now Pronounce You Husband and Wife”?
We’re all familiar with the traditional wording of wedding ceremonies. Wondering what alternatives there are to “I now pronounce you husband and wife”? Think about the terms you feel describe your partnership. How do you view the union you are entering? Maybe “I pronounce you a married couple” feels right. Or, “husbands together,” or “wife and wife.” Another alternative to “I now pronounce you husband and wife” is “partners for life.”
Also consider asking your officiant to switch up the order of your names throughout the ceremony. This is a simple way to reinforce that you are entering an equal partnership.
You could discuss any of these inclusive ceremony language options ahead of time with your officiant. Any of these pronouncement options should, ultimately, be chosen based on what makes you most comfortable as a couple. After all, it’s your day! It’s important to discuss your preferences ahead of time with your officiant so that they are aware of your wishes.
Other Wedding Vendors That Need to Be Aware of The Couple’s Preferred Language
You may also need to have a conversation with other vendors involved in your wedding about the terms you prefer. Remember that your DJ or whomever is announcing you as a couple (sometimes the wedding planner) will need to be made aware of your preferred terms. You may also need to tell your stationer or remind family members what kind of inclusive language is preferred. They may be the ones to make introductions or even address the couple during toasts. Make sure they are aware of your preferred pronouns and terms.
